Speed Dating aka Snooze Dating

This past Thursday night, I decided to try out something that causes me to giggle a little every time I hear it mentioned. And that something, of course, is speed dating.

The event I attended was a free (key word: free) event hosted by the central library and targeted towards GLBT folks between the ages of 19-35. Since it took place a la bibliotheque, the evening was actually called "Read Dating" (get it, get it?). Each participant was asked to bring a book, DVD, or CD (a what?) to use as a conversation starter.

Now, I really really appreciate that the library staff organized a social event for young adults, and particularly for the queer community (three cheers!). However, because I don't like wasting my time on events that are poorly executed, I mostly came out of the event (no pun intended) with a list of complaints, as follows:

1. No alcohol available

2. Pseudonyms - the event organizers assigned everyone a fake name to use throughout the evening. All the names were either queer authors or queer characters from books. I guess that's kind of clever, but having to use a false name of someone else's choice is quite awkward. Especially when you don't read very much besides law cases and Cosmo magazine and have no clue what your assigned name refers to :S.

3. Mixing of the genders - this Read Dating event was heavily marketed as a DATING event. So imagine my amusement (or lack thereof) when the organizers failed to separate the gals from the gents, and mixed everyone in together. Now, I for one certainly don't discriminate against potential dating options. However, even someone with my size of ego is pretty aware that the chance of me finding my love match in the form of a gay man is pretty low...#FAIL.

4. Not enough time per person  - we were given four minutes per round. Which under normal speed dating circumstances might be adequate amount of time. However, because every guest was equipped with a conversation starter, the time was quickly eaten up by summarizing our books/movies/music of choice. As a result, I now remember a few good book recommendations, but nothing personal or substantial about anyone I met.

5. Did I mention the no alcohol part??

Attitude of Gratitude

Something that is essential in my path to finding my passion(s) in life, fulfilling my dreams, and just living it up as best I can is to cultivate a persistent 'attitude of gratitude'. Sometimes this is much easier said than done, but I do believe that there is always at least one thing to feel grateful for even at the worst of times.

The things that I am grateful for on this Sunday morning are:

1) My awesome friends
If I am privileged to have your friendship, then it means that we've had some great experiences together, and that I totally value having you in my life, respect you and your opinions, enjoy your company, and want the best for you always.

2) My incredible sisters
I am extremely proud of my sisters for being two accomplished, active, down-to-earth, fun, loving, generous, and all-around wicked awesome people! :D

3) My apartment
I love my bachelor pad that's decked out with my computer and tv and x-box and iPhone (4s!) and guitar and books about gambling, dating, and sex. I can't deny loving my material things (they make me happy, okay? :D).

4) My health
I am extremely fortunate to have good health most of the time, and to be able to have the opportunity to keep improving my fitness. Thank you, universe.

5) My fish
Freddie is awesome and keeps me company while I make hours and hours disappear on the computer. He's also a great source of entertainment whenever he randomly starts spazzing out. (Maybe he takes after his owner a bit :P).

Thanks for reading!

Dating Double Standards

So...basically right after I wrote my last post about my 'Ninja Turtles' I stopped initiating any contact with any of them.

It's not that I don't like them as people...it's just that I'm not attracted enough to any of them to bother putting in any more effort (omg I'm such a bitch).

But the funny thing is that once I stopped initiating contact, two things happened: 1) the two romantic interests who are female stopped contacting me completely; and 2) the two romantic interests who are male started texting me twice as much.

When I told a couple of friends about this development, they reluctantly agreed that it made sense to get these results. It seems that, so-called gender equality aside, guys and girls do not behave in the same ways when it comes to playing "the game" (side note: I've read The Game and loved it...omg I'm such a douchebag).

So this made me think of what other dating double standards have come up in my experience. And in particular, what double standards *I* have when I'm out with someone of the male vs. female variety (and yes, I only group the people I've dated into two genders, though I'm quite aware that there may be more genders out there. C'mon - I'm from Alberta! There's an inherent conservatism to my character :P).

Anyway, with that introduction out of the way, I now present my dating double standards:

1) Date Idea

• When I'm planning to meet a dude, I prefer that he decides what we do together, even if it's just meeting up for a coffee.
• When I'm planning to meet a chick, I don't mind choosing the location, activity, etc.
• Analysis: I don't like guys who can't take the lead.

2) Paying

• When I'm dining out with a guy, I expect him to at least offer to pay for both our meals. If we are planning to do anything else that day, I will accept his offer and then pay for the next activity. If we are not planning to do anything else that day, then I will offer to pay for my half, but will still allow him to pay for us both if he insists (ha ha free food!).
• When I'm dining out with a girl, I expect her to at least offer to pay for her portion of the meal. If she offers to pay for both our meals, I won't let her. If I really like her, I will offer to pay for both of our meals. If I don't like her at all and never want to see her again, I will still offer to pay for both of our meals to assuage my impending guilt for never contacting her again (it really works. I usually don't feel guilty at all after that!).
• Analysis: I must enjoy making dating much more complicated than necessary for myself.

3) Innuendo

• When I'm seeing a fellow, I get irritated if he starts making innuendos before we've been out more than two times.
• When I'm seeing a lady, I get annoyed if she hasn't made any innuendos at all by the end of our second date.
• Analysis: I have sexist double standards.

Hmm...so much for me always claiming that gender doesn't matter...

Cowabunga!

I suck at dating.

Not in the sense that I don't know how to get a date, or what to do on a date.

No, in the sense that less than two weeks after starting this blog committed to my fabulous life as a singleton, I find myself being pursued by no less than four suitors.

So perhaps I suck at NOT dating.

Now, this is not necessarily a terrible thing. In fact, it's quite the ego boost (as though I needed one! *evil laugh*). But it's also very time-consuming to juggle four people at once.

So to help me remember each of them as individuals, I am going to compare them to cartoon characters. In my view, this is not demeaning. Why? Because I chose AWESOME cartoon characters - the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles!! (I must have driven my mom crazy as a kid choosing to collect these instead of Barbies. It was probably a good first sign...lol).

Anyway, here is the summary of my current love life:

Donatello: I have just started corresponding with Donatello, and I can already tell that Donnie is a smart one with perfect grammar. However, this nature-loving turtle made a grave error in trying to get me tell my whole life story without providing me with any incentive to. Anyone who knows me well knows I suck at talking seriously about myself :P.

Raphael: I have known Raph the longest, and he fits the character with a bit of a 'bad boy' attitude. However, texts about the weather, and frequent misspelling of my name, do not leave the most favourable impression...

Michelangelo: I have been out with Mikey once and it was tons of fun. Full of good humor and jokes and beer. There could be potential here...but for some reason I'm not feeling too compelled to go out a second time.

Leonardo: Leo is a total gentleman who makes me laugh. Like any good leader, Leo is successful at work and has big ambitions. But, and perhaps this is a huge indication of how commitment-phobic I am, I feel myself growing more distant every time Leo calls me babe, honey, or dear, or says "miss you". Or maybe it's because we've only been out twice?

Man, that was hard work summarizing everyone. Time for some pizza, dudes!

Sympathy for the Sick?

I'm fortunate that I don't get sick very often. Colds don't usually last more than a few days, other viruses don't seem to affect me as much as they do others, and hangovers are most often cured by the time the server brings around the second ceasar at brunch. I attribute all this to my Taurus/Ox fortitude (and stubbornness in the form of not being able to admit when I'm ill) :P.

But at some point today, some point between having a non-productive Saturday at the office and having a non-effective workout at the gym, I started to get a case of fever, chills, muscle aches, sore throat, whinyness, and general feeling that I just got hit by a truck.

After stumbling home (why waste money on a cab - oh damn you, stubbornness!), I had to cancel dinner plans and a date (two separate events - yeah I'm that good ;)), pile on more layers of clothing and then immediately take them off in accordance with the pattern of chills and fever, and crawl under the covers.

After struggling and snuggling into my bed, I reflected on whether I would prefer to be in this situation alone, or be in this circumstance with the assistance of a significant other. So here are the results of my reflection time (ah, if only I could bill for this at work...):

Reasons why it's better to have a partner at this vulnerable moment
1. My significant other could reassure me that everything will be okay, even though by this point I have resigned myself to living permanently on the rectangular area that is my bed;

2. My significant other could make tea with honey and chicken noodle soup and feed it to me (half points for picking up these items at Tim Horton's); and

3. My significant other could shower me with attention. Lots and lots of attention.

Reasons why it's better to be all by my lonesome single at this horrible moment
1. I am not spreading my germs to someone else, which a week from now would result in intense beams of hatred coming my way after my significant other has become an involuntary participant of Occupy My Bed (no injunction sought!);

2. I don't have to worry that my significant other is saying the right things to my face, while simultaneously bitching about my neediness on Facebook, Twitter, Google+, Messenger, and random chatrooms; and

3. Well, Barney says it best:

*Groan*. That's all, folks. And stay out of the cold!

EDIT: After seeing this little moment in Queer as Folk, I've decided that having a significant other during a time of need is better:

Justin to Brian: ...I thought we had a commitment, and I plan to stand by it. Now get your ass back to bed, you son of a bitch! And eat some fucking chicken soup!

Mistaken Sexuality

Coming out has been an interesting, ongoing, and sometimes very difficult journey for me.

In high school, I was never comfortable enough with myself, or secure enough about my friendships, to tell many people the truth. During undergrad, I simply avoided the issue altogether, even though I was in a serious relationship for those four years. Since moving to Vancouver, however, I have been much, much more open about who I really am.

Which is why I'm slightly perplexed and amused about a current situation I'm in. Let me explain:

So I have a pretty good friend from law school that I've had the pleasure of hanging out with on many an occasion. I have met his wife quite a few times now as well, and it's always great to see her too.

Both of these people are tremendously cool. They are a few years older than me, have lived overseas, have had tons of different experiences, and are generally very accepting and open-minded.

However, over the 2-3 years that I have known them, they have somehow gotten the wrong impression about what 'team' I play on, so to speak. And for some reason, I have never been able to correct them.

It should have been easy. The first time they made an inaccurate statement, I should have jumped in and made a simple correction. In a funny and self-deprecating way, even. But I didn't.

It's like when you meet people once, and forgot their name shortly afterwards. And then you continue to see them around, and don't take the opportunity to clarify. And after a few more times of seeing them, you have lost all window of opportunity to ask them for their name again without seeming like an inconsiderate d-bag.

Well anyway, at this point, I might just have to sit down with my friend and his wife someday soon, set the mood with some nice wine, engage in some mindless yet intelligent chit-chat, and then look them both in the eyes, clear my throat, and say:

"Um, I don't know how to say this eloquently.
But you may have the wrong idea about me.
See, the thing is...
I mean I have to confess...
I just have to get this off my chest....
[and here's where I would look around a little ashamedly]...
well the truth is: I LIKE DUDES TOO!"

I just hope they'll understand... :P.

The 6 AM Wake-Up

Alarm rings. Hit snooze button.
Alarm rings again. Slam snooze button.
Alarm rings for the third time. Throw clock against the wall.

Just kidding. I'm not *that* grumpy when I wake up. And especially not this morning.

Why not this morning? Well, from reading about productivity, motivation, self-empowerment, etc., etc., a recurring theme that comes up is that the most successful people get up at the crack of dawn just busting with life. Successful people apparently do all sorts of crazy things before the light of day, including practicing piano (ex. Condoleezza Rice, for anyone who remembers who she even is), exercising, or writing their next great novel.

So, following in their footsteps, I have decided to wake up between 5:30 and 6:00 each morning. Ugh.

And not only wake up that early, but also hit the ground running (not literally) by doing some sort of physical activity (not running). Double ugh.

So this morning, I woke up at 5:48 a.m., groaned for a minute, and then started the 'one hundred pushups' program by doing an initial test. I did 16 good-form pushups in a row, which is okay but not my best, probably because I was also doing some last night. Anyway, apparently over the next six weeks, I will learn how to do 100 good-form pushups at once? For more info about this program: One Hundred Pushups.

Now, you may be curious about why I woke up at 5:48 a.m., and not, for instance, at 5:45 or 6:00 or some nice round number. Well, it's because I was in my "lightest sleep phase" at 5:48 and therefore it was the best time for my alarm clock to wake me up. Seriously. It's the new app I'm trying. Apparently it works wonders: Sleep Cycle App.

I've used the app for the last three days and can't say that I've felt any more "rested or relaxed" than usual.

But there's an awesome cure for that - wonderful, delicious, coffee!

Goals and More Goals

So today I was reading about how to put together a life plan. That's right, a life plan. A written plan to help me focus on the things I desire most in life.

Yeah anyway, that lasted about 10 minutes before I got bored and moved onto other more important things, such as lurking on imdb.com message boards and reading restaurant reviews of places that I've already been to...

(Also, for those of you already bored with my post and want a distraction of your own, check out how the Happy Endings crew deals with vision boards. That's right, vision boards: http://www.megavideo.com/?v=CE0AERFI)

Anyway, although I didn't exactly life-plan or vision-board today, I did reflect on some of the things that I want to work on over the next while. And those things include:

1) Learning to play electric guitar

Not just any guitar. Electric guitar.

2) Improving my fitness

I've been working with a personal trainer since about mid-July of this year and think that I'm probably in the best shape of my life right now, or at least the best shape of my adult life. But I still have a long ways to go. Although I'm getting into better shape overall, (and even have an ab-like region in my stomach area!), my weight is still higher than I would prefer. So I'm aiming to drop 8-10 lbs over the next six months and tone up further.

3) Practicing French

I've been frustrated lately with only being fluent in one language (my attempts at conversing in Cantonese don't really count), so I want to start immersing myself in another language. I've chosen French because I think it would be practical to know the second official language of our country. And also because I came across this amazing inspirational video today:

Seriously, I think this video could inspire almost anyone to want to learn French ;).

I have some other goals and plans in mind, but that's it for now. Thanks for reading!

Single and Not Looking

Welcome to my blog that celebrates the single life....specifically, *my* single life.

Why did I create this blog? Well, as someone in my mid-20's (and I've been informed by a friend that this is the last year I can say "mid" rather than "late", damn it) who's been through a few serious mistakes relationships, I find myself at a time in my life where I appreciate being single.

Sure, everywhere I look people are happily walking hand-in-hand down the street. And yes, every time I go out to a group event, such as a birthday party (or more accurately, the last three birthday parties I've attended...), my friends all bring their significant others. And okay, maybe it would be nice to have someone to go with to the newest (Ryan Reynolds) rom-com on a Friday night rather than sitting in the back of the theatre by myself on a Sunday afternoon (*cough* not based on a true story, really)...

But, the point is, I'm not bitter. I'm not jealous. I'm not even annoyed!

In fact, I love hanging out with my peeps in committed relationships (yes, I just used peeps) because it inspires me to want to find a special someone to share my time (and awesome ocean-side apartment and fancy lawyer lifestyle and did I mention I love long walks on the beach and puppy dogs?) with.

But just not yet.

So this blog is for me to lay out my plans for the next six months, and particularly my plans for personal growth and self-development (Hey! Stop rolling your eyes!). I choose a six month time-frame to coincide with a few important milestones: 1) The six months end around my next birthday; 2) The six months end around the time that I will *finally* qualify as a lawyer, and 3) The six months end around the start of spring/summer which is way funner for dating anyway (I'm thinking drinks on a patio and lounging on a beach. Man I miss summer).

I will still probably go on dates (based on my track record of having declared "I'm staying single!!" or variations of numerous times only to end up with more love interests than I can handle...not to brag or anything ;)), but I'll be aiming to keep things casual with any folks that come into my life.

Well that's probably enough for one post. My next post will set out some of my goals. Cause you gotta have goals!